The following transcripts may contain content too explicit for some readers. Discression is highly recommended.
Call begins 4:22PM, July 12, 2016
MC: Hello! My name is Martha, and I am calling on behalf of Hopegood Bank…
KR: Thank you for calling the Sensual Secrets. My name is Jasmine. May I have your name please?
MC: Yes, my name is Martha. I’m calling about a line of credit you might be interested in.
KR: Wonderful! May I please have your order number so we can see if it has shipped?
MC: I’m sorry, the phone must have cut out. We have a new, low interest rate of…
KR: Well, it looks like that toy is out of stock. May I interest you in one of our other glass dildos?
MC: Would your business be interested in a loan for purchasing another store front?
KR: Oh, so nice that you’re looking to purchase a home. You and your wife will be so happy.
MC: I have a husband, mam.
KR: Well, he is generous to let you order all of these toys. Your order total is four hundred and thirty seven dollars. Can I have your card information?
MC: Oh, I don’t want to order. I called to tell you about our wonderful credit and loan options!
KR: Well, it looks like the charge went through on your husband’s card. We didn’t need verification after all.
MC: I’ve never even heard of Sensual Secrets.
KR: You know, I think your mistress probably would disagree. A wasp just flew into my cleavage. Good-bye!
Call ends 4:30PM
Bernley College Messenger
KRadke: Hey Aisha, this is fucking funny.
Candybeads: What’s up, Kendra. I’m about to walk into Bio.
KRadke: I was working on the term paper when this scammer called. I pretended to work for a porn shop and kept cutting her off.
Candybeads: OMG LOL
KRadke: It gets better. Then, I pretended to place her order, and when she panicked, I said a wasp landed in my cleavage, and hung up.
Candybeads: She’s probably panicking, checking her card statements.
KRadke: I think her husband controls their finances.
Candybeads: She’s got to be shitting herself! Gotta Go!
KRadke: No problem. Maybe I should work for an adult store, if it’s female-oriented.
Candybeads: :)-) By the way you ate the last pop tart. TTYL